Why Financial Transparency Might Be the Best Valentine’s Day Gift You Can Give

Editor’s Note: Doug wrote this article with his wife, Heather Joelle Boneparth, Director of Business and Legal Affairs for Bone Fide Wealth, LLC.

Valentine’s Day is always associated with making visible romantic gestures (flowers, cards, etc.), but what does it mean to be visible? According to a BMO survey, 35% of adults admit lying to their partner about money.  If true love is built on trust—not just gifts—then the most valuable thing you can give your partner is access to information about your money.

Building Trust Through Financial Knowledge

We’re not suggesting you need to hand over all your passwords or put a big red bow on a big blank check to be transparent. Providing access to information doesn’t even mean you must merge all your finances. Couples can maintain separate accounts while still being open with each other.

You should know about each other’s assets, debts, and liabilities, including any bad financial habits you’re trying to grow or recover from. We understand the vulnerability it takes to bare your financial soul—it’s harder than you realize until you do it yourself. 

But remember, you’re not sharing these intimate details to relinquish control over your life. You’re doing it to align with your partner and ensure you’re working toward shared goals and a future you both want.

Understanding Financial Secrets

Financial secrets don’t just happen out of malice. People hide things because they’re afraid to be judged. But secrecy isn’t an antidote to an ongoing money conflict—or even one that’s brewing. What simmers under the surface almost always bubbles over; when it does, betrayal over money might cut as deep with money as anything else. 

Sharing Long-Term Plans

Ensuring your partner has all the financial information they need about your life doesn’t end with dollars in accounts. Estate plans, insurance policies, and your ultimate wishes are part of this, too.

Make this information available to your partner—not once, but always—to ensure their security by enabling them to act on your behalf in case of an emergency. 

The Bottom Line

Initiating these conversations might feel awkward, so Valentine’s Day probably isn’t the best time to examine tables or spreadsheets for the first time. But you can start with the big picture: your past, your present, your goals for the future. 

Make sure you find an environment that’s comfortable for both of you to really connect, whether that’s a quiet morning over coffee, an intimate date night, or even just a walk. You don’t need to open the floodgates all at once—your first big-picture conversation can lead to a more detailed second conversation and quarterly meetings afterward. Consider this less of a confessional and more of a continued practice to stay curious about the person you love.