I’ve learned that every phrase reflects a belief system that makes sense for the season and context in which you grew up. For my grandmother, “Don’t ask for too much” represented humility, gratitude and holding on to what she had accomplished with much effort. But it also discouraged her from taking further risks and continuing to nurture her ambition — and, consequently, my mom’s ambition.
I remember my mom once telling me how she had wanted to become a flight attendant when she was younger. Her face lit up when she talked about it. Still, she never pursued it because, while deciding whether to stick with her current career — which offered security — or take a leap and pursue her dream, the phrase “Don’t ask for too much; be grateful for what you have” echoed in her head.
How That Phrase Shaped Me
I was only able to grasp the extent of how this phrase had shaped me when I left home at 19 years old and started living on my own. I started noticing the same patterns in my own life, and whenever I felt I wanted to reach for something different, aim higher, dream bigger, or ask for what I deserved, I had a little voice in the back of my mind that would make me hesitate to take the step. I’d feel as though I wasn’t being grateful enough or was asking for too much if, for instance, I wanted to ask for a raise.
This inner conflict only worsened when I started my business. I had to dream more significantly to create the kind of movement I wanted for female entrepreneurs and finances; I needed to ask for more. Although I had been very blessed to have already experienced things that nobody else in my social circle was experiencing — like traveling around the world — that inner hesitation made me question if I truly deserved and was capable of the career and lifestyle I was pursuing.
It wasn’t until much later — through my studies of financial trauma, therapy, self-reflection and the building of my frameworks for helping entrepreneurs achieve wealth — that I began to unpack how deeply ingrained those beliefs were. Surrounding myself with ambitious, like-minded women also helped me see that those beliefs weren’t mine. They had been passed down, generation after generation, like an heirloom I never asked for.
