Recently I was settling onto the couch with my three-year-old after a long day, ready for our nightly viewing of Bluey. Clad in his favorite Octonauts pajamas and clutching a stuffed dog, he pulled a blanket up over our legs and fixed his eyes on the TV screen.
I grabbed the remote and waited for the screen to blink to life.
Oh no.
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The TV was set to the Movie Hub channel, and my son was suddenly watching a couple entering a bedroom, sharing a soft kiss, with romantic music playing, growing louder and faster. My son looked on blankly and asked, “Where’s Bluey?”
I ripped off the blanket, fumbled for the remote and frantically smashed buttons, racing against the clock. Finally, the Bluey theme song mercifully rang out. I vowed then to change our TV settings, making our new “default” channel something more benign.
I am a psychologist studying how digital media affects kids, and the author of a popular newsletter on parenting and technology, and still there are times when my kids’ screen time goes awry. They see things they shouldn’t have. They spend too much time in front of that screen. They stumble on videos I’d rather they did not.
One solution that has helped me keep things age-appropriate? Parental controls.
Some 72 percent of U.S. parents of children ages five to 11 have used parental controls to manage their children’s screen use, yet when I talk to parents about setting up parental controls, the most common sentiment I hear is, What’s the point? They’re overwhelming to set up, and my kids will just find a way around them. It’s a losing battle, so why bother?
Here’s why you bother. Parental controls are like speed bumps. Yes, kids can get around them, but they’re an important first line of defense. They offer a helpful, though imperfect, barrier between our children and the vast world of TV and the Internet. And they can slow our kids down as they enter that world, reminding them to proceed with caution.
Our children are growing up in a world saturated with media: phones, tablets, computers, TVs and more. Children up to age eight spend an average of two hours, 27 minutes per day with screen media. For tweens (ages 8 to 12), it’s more than five hours per day, and for teens (13 to 17), more than eight hours. By the time they’re four years old, the majority (58 percent) of kids have their own tablet, and by 12, the majority (71 percent) have their own smartphone.
As our kids’ digital lives become more varied and complex, so, too, do the options for parental controls. Parents can set controls on devices, for example, via built-in iPad or smart TV settings or external parental monitoring apps like Bark or Aura. They can set controls within specific apps and games, like YouTube or Roblox. They can even set protections on their home WiFI networks. For each of these options, varied functions are available, too. Parental controls can block or filter content, limit screen time, monitor contacts and communication, and track location.
Every child is different, and when it comes to managing technology, what works for one family may not work for another. Appropriate parental controls also depend on a child’s age and maturity. Among young kids (up to age five), just 4 percent of parents use software to limit screen time, and 20 percent use it to limit the content their child sees. These numbers may be low because many parents are using devices together with their children at this age, or at least keeping a closer eye. As kids get older and begin spending more time independently using screens, the numbers increase. Among parents of children ages five to eight, 30 percent use software to limit screen time, and 56 percent use software to limit content. And as children move through adolescence, parents tend to loosen the reins. This may stem from parents’ desire to provide teenagers more age-appropriate independence and privacy—though it may also be driven by a feeling that there’s little they can do. Among parents of 13- and 14-year-olds, 62 percent limit smartphone time, but only 37 percent of parents of 15- to 17-year-olds do the same.
It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by parental control options, so here are the basics to get you started:
To manage all devices on your home Wi-Fi network: Most Internet service providers, like Netgear and Verizon provide options to block certain websites and limit screen time across all devices on the network. The upside is that you can manage high-level settings all in one place. The downside is that these settings no longer apply when a device leaves the home.
To manage an individual device, like a tablet or phone: With an Android device, you can use Family Link to restrict content and apps, limit screen time, and track location. With an iOS device (e.g., iPhone or iPad), you can use Family Sharing to do the same.
Another option is a third-party app like Bark or Aura, which offers similar protections, along with the ability to monitor conversations and receive alerts for potential risky activity. Just avoid using these tools to “spy” on your child; all plans for monitoring should be clearly communicated in advance. For an older child or teen, you’ll want to explain your rationale (e.g., It’s my job as a parent to keep you safe), describe the plan (One way I’m going to check in on your safety is by using this app), and clarify that it’s not a replacement for communication (If you run into anything on your phone that you’re confused or worried about, I hope you’ll come talk to me, and I will do the same if I’m concerned about you).
To manage specific apps: Many apps, including social media platforms and games, offer parental controls with varied capabilities, including filtering content, monitoring or restricting contacts, limiting time, and turning off certain features. Here are some of the most popular:
So do parental controls work? A recent review of the research suggests it’s a mixed bag. Some studies find evidence of beneficial outcomes of parental controls, like children’s reduced online risks, improved time management, and better family communication about digital habits. Other studies find downsides: increased family conflict or distrust, children’s lower feelings of privacy, and restricted access to educational or social opportunities online.
Ultimately, the research concludes, the efficacy of parental controls depends on the context. They will never be a standalone, set-it-and-forget-it solution. They are far from perfect. But in combination with other critical media parenting strategies—like having regular, open conversations with our children about their digital lives and setting reasonable, intentional limits on use—they can be helpful for many families.
This is an opinion and analysis article, and the views expressed by the author or authors are not necessarily those of Scientific American.
