I’ll never forget the first months of becoming a new mom. These days were filled with more chaos, questions, concerns, and emotions than I ever thought possible. And there are certainly some things I wish I could go back in time and tell myself.
1.
“You don’t have to make a happy baby happier. If your baby is happy playing with a wooden spoon for ten minutes, leave them alone!”
2.
“Give your child as much closeness and love as possible. Enjoy every second you can cuddle with them. Never take your emotions out on your child; apologize sincerely if you make mistakes. Your child did not make the decision to come into this world. You did. You are responsible for making sure that he or she becomes a happy and good person.”
3.
“The early days stink and no one tells you how hard they’re going to be. The world just expects you to deal with it. It’s understandable if you hate it. It doesn’t make you a bad mom.
4.
“Read to your kids. I remember my dad reading to me before bed, and these are some of the best memories I have.”
5.
“You know your baby better than anyone. Everyone will tell you what you should or shouldn’t do, but in the end, you need to do what feels right for your family. Not only that, but every kid is different; things that work for one kid won’t necessarily always work for your other kids. One of my kids needs a long bedtime routine to settle down and sleep; one I can just put in bed, and they’re out for the night, and the other needs to be held and snuggled for a few minutes before they can calm down and sleep. Most of parenting is trial and error, and you learn as you go, give yourself time, and be gentle with yourself.”
6.
“Wanting to do things without baby or needing a break here and there is not selfish. Everyone needs a break. It’s OK to enjoy your time away. Don’t let anyone shame you into feeling you have to be with your kiddo 100% all day long, every day for the rest of your life.”
7.
“If your child falls or gets hurt, stay calm. Kids watch our reactions to everything, and if you stay calm, they will, too. When my daughter would fall while learning how to walk but seemed fine, I would say, ‘Oh no, let’s get back up,’ and then praise her when she got back on her feet. If she cried, I would soothe her while I checked her out. If there weren’t any obvious injuries, I would encourage her to get back up and keep going.”
8.
“Don’t make a screen your babysitter. There are long-term consequences for everything you do when you raise a child.”
9.
“My mom always told me that going to bed feeling like you failed at being a good parent in some way every day is a good sign you are doing it right. You will always worry about infinite things. But caring enough to do so means a lot. 100% this. The fact that you are worried about whether you’re a good parent means you probably ARE.”
10.
“My lactation consultant told me, ‘If I could do it all over again, I’d worry less about how to feed my baby, and instead I’d just enjoy my baby.'”
11.
“You’re the best mom for your baby. This helped me when I was in the throes of the baby blues. I just repeated it to myself repeatedly when I felt inadequate.”
12.
“Know when you need a little break. Crying doesn’t kill a baby. Listen to them when they tell you something is wrong, but also understand that a ten-minute break in soothing them isn’t cruel. They need you to be your best, and you cannot do that without sometimes stepping into the other room and breathing for a minute.”
13.
“Respect your children. Don’t hold them to a standard you don’t hold yourself or others to. We often get upset at children for being human. No one yells at me to stop crying when something upsets me; why would I do that to her? When my friend comes to me upset about something I maybe think is silly, I wouldn’t dismiss them, I would listen and offer support. We should do the same for our kiddos.”
14.
“Patience is key! Accept that when your baby is crying and nothing seems to help (feeding, diaper change, etc), you may just need to hold them for what seems to be a long time before they calm down. That is where your patience should kick in.”
15.
“Take a lot of pictures, even on the messy days. You’ll want those memories later.”
16.
“You will make mistakes. That is okay. Maybe you will have moments of regret. That is okay. Others will give you advice on how to care for your baby. Don’t listen to everything. You will do great. Don’t compare yourself to other parents, even if they start to tell you what their baby can do. Parenthood is not a competition.”
17.
“A whole industry exists to prey on your insecurities to get your money. They will tell you that you should buy the best of everything for your kid or you’re not a good parent. This is a lie…”
18.
“Don’t get hyper-fixated on milestones. I made this mistake when I was so worried about my child not walking/talking/crawling on time, and it took so much joy away. Unless there is a medical need, babies will walk when they are ready. It is not a measure of your ability as a parent. Monthly milestones are fun to track, but if it is going to cause you more stress to set up a monthly photoshoot, then skip it! I have three kids, the pictures I look back on the most are their day-to-day memories, not the photos I staged each month with a cute sign.”
19.
“The best advice I got was: For better or worse, everything is a phase. As difficult as it can be, try to enjoy the present. Don’t look forward to when they can walk, talk, do this or that.. or spend your days nostalgic about the past. Try to enjoy the present because in six months, it’ll be gone.”
What is your best piece of advice to someone about to become a parent? Tell us in the comments or in this anonymous form.
