Yes, but I was an eager student. I went to a private undergrad college for two years and transferred to a public state school that had a speech pathology program for two and a half years. My parents paid about $20,000 and I took out loans for the rest. I went to grad school at a CUNY school. I paid as I went and had a small amount of grad school loans that I paid off quickly. Most of my loans were from the two years taking gen ed classes at the private school. Live and learn.
Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent(s)/guardian(s) educate you about finances?
My mom was very open with me about money, and her perceived lack of it. She always showed me the bills from my ballet classes, because they couldn’t really afford them. In college, she helped me fill out the FAFSA and applications for loans, but just to show me how to do it and how much they were able to help with financially. It felt like she was shaming me at the time, but I think she meant to equip me with more than she knew. I recently learned that she did not do this with my younger brother, which is strange.
What was your first job and why did you get it?
I worked at a camp every summer when I was about 14. I started assisting ballet classes to help towards tuition when I was about 15. I babysat my whole block through high school. I always felt like I wanted to hustle to try to have spending money.
Did you worry about money growing up?
Very much. My mom handled the finances and my parents fought about money constantly. I was the oldest, and my mom would often complain to me that my (dyslexic) dad refused to go back to college after he finished his associate’s degree, or that he didn’t have the drive to get a better paying job. In retrospect, that wasn’t appropriate of her to say to her child. She made more money than him, but he worked very hard, too. We lived in a very wealthy area, so I thought we were downright poor. In reality, we were very much middle class. When I transferred to the state school, I finally realized how lucky I was to have what I did growing up.
Do you worry about money now?
Yes. I want children soon and we live in a VHCOL area. I am proud of myself for what I’ve saved, and so happy with the life I’ve created, but I know I’m behind many financial benchmarks. My salary has fluctuated as I’ve switched between settings. Working for a nonprofit means I’m making less than I would in other settings in NY/NJ at this point in my career, so I offset it with my private clients. Since I love my job so much, it feels more than worth it for quality of life (but… Talk to me when I’m nearing retirement, and we will see if I still feel that way).
At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net?
I lived at home in grad school, so probably when I moved out at age 24. When I was in grad school, my mom started showing early signs of dementia. Even though I was financially dependent on them, I became a young caregiver while living at home. My parents have relied on me for many things since I was about 22, and we have helped each other out in different ways. For example, she abruptly stopped buying groceries reliably while I was living there, so I took over that role and expense. My dad would gladly take me in if I needed somewhere to stay, though he has fairly tight finances himself. My fiancé E. and I are each other’s safety net as well. (Of note: This is a different partner from my prior Money Diary. I was also engaged in the last diary, but we called it off before the wedding after he was caught cheating for the second time. I couldn’t be happier with E. Thank goodness I got out of the last situation relatively unscathed, trust issues notwithstanding).
Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain.
My parents gave me their old car my junior year of college. They contributed $20,000 towards college. When my grandparents died, I received $5,000 which also went towards college.
