First, when it comes to keeping childhood entitlement in check, it’s important for parents of younger kids to be realistic, explains Aliza Pressman, co-founder of the Mount Sinai Parenting Center and host of the Raising Good Humans podcast. Children under the age of 4 haven’t developed what’s known as “theory of mind,” or the cognitive mechanism that allows us to attribute certain beliefs and feelings to ourselves and to others, she said. So it’s perfectly appropriate for them to be caught up in their own feelings and their own perspective, and pretty darn unlikely that they’re going to, say, stop whining about not getting to watch another episode of “Paw Patrol” because they understand in a broader sense how fortunate they are in their lives.
“If your brain isn’t cognitively ready to imagine someone else’s experience, it’s harder to have empathy,” said Pressman.
Yet it is important that as kids move from toddler-dom into the school-age years, parents actively teach them that they will not always get their way. Parents also should explain to children that not getting their way may feel bad, which is expected.
For example, when your child is shopping for a friend’s birthday present and they ask for a toy of their own, don’t give in, Pressman urged. Instead, maybe say something like: “We’re going into the store to buy a present for Billy. I know sometimes that can feel hard, and it’s hard to focus,” Pressman said. That’s it.
You’re giving them space to grapple with what it feels like to not get their way, and you’re showing them that you expect them to get through it. It can be a pretty powerful lesson, particularly when it’s repeated often as a natural part of growing up.
