How Do I Ask My Friends if They Can Afford the Group Trip I’m Planning?

In this month’s “Dear Eugene,” we address the tricky situation of discussing finances with friends when planning a group trip.

Inspired by our intrepid founder, Eugene Fodor, Dear Eugene is a monthly series in which we invite readers to ask us their top travel questions. Each month, we’ll tap travel experts to answer your questions with the hopes of demystifying the more complicated parts of travel. Send your questions to [email protected] for a chance to have them answered in a future story.

Dear Eugene, I’ve taken on the role of planner for a trip with my friends, but I’m not sure what everyone can and can’t afford to do. What is the best way to go about asking about people’s financials when planning group travel?

First, kudos for taking the initiative and planning a getaway for your friend group. As you’re quickly learning, settling on a date, destination, and especially a budget that works for all involved is no small feat.

Travel is a significant expense for many of us, and anything money-related can be a touchy topic among even the closest friends––particularly when your group represents a vast spread of economic means (things can get awkward fast when some envision Michelin-star dining while others are Googling the cheapest hole-in-the-wall spots). That said, a little sensitivity from you as the trip planner extraordinaire can ensure everyone feels heard and respected.   

How to Ask Your Friends How Much They Can Afford to Spend

If you’re willing to take a vacation with this group of people, chances are you’re very comfortable around them. These are probably friends who’ve seen you at your most vulnerable, but just because you’re comfortable sharing your latest relationship drama doesn’t mean you want them to know your bank balance.

“Antiquated norms have dictated that finance shouldn’t be emotional,” says Aja Evans, a financial therapist who helps clients cultivate healthier behaviors and feelings around money. “To say ‘I can’t keep up with what they may be able to afford’ feels like some kind of moral failing and feels like an infraction on who you are as a person, or how successful you are.”  

Talking about finances feels uniquely exposing because our capitalist society tells us our self-worth correlates directly with our economic worth. In reality, though, there are a whole slew of reasons one friend might be more affluent than another, from generational or spousal wealth to career choices to plain ol’ luck. Just know that regardless of which end of the financial scale each person occupies, everyone has complicated feelings about the topic.  

“Whenever we talk about money, we have this tendency to gear the conversation towards people who can’t afford something versus people for whom spending is not a big deal,” explains Evans, “but I find that those wealthy people experience shame and discomfort around money too.”

To find that budget sweet spot without dredging up emotions like shame or envy, she recommends asking each member of the group to fill out an anonymous Google survey or send a private message with their preferences.

“I would just ask: ‘Hey everyone, I am so excited for our trip and to get started with planning. Before I begin, would everyone mind sending me a budget range? Feel free to text it to me privately so I can keep in mind what might work for all of us,’” she advises.

Try These Hacks to Lower Costs

Before you start booking, think about any reasonable adjustments you can make to lower the overall cost of the trip. For example, Fora travel advisor Timadge Berkhadley advises traveling during the shoulder season: “If possible, plan trips in spring or fall to take advantage of better deals on flights and accommodations,” she explains.

If you’re flexible on destination and dates, signing up for newsletters like Going and Secret Flying will help you score cheap flights by surfacing error fares and flash sales (I once got a return to Tokyo for $250). Or you can set up alerts on Hopper or Google Flights, which notify you when there’s a price drop.

Additionally, you might consider hotels that offer a free breakfast or discounts on group bookings. In some cases, an all-inclusive might make more sense, says Berhadley. “These can simplify budgeting since major expenses like lodging, meals, drinks, and activities are covered, making planning easier for the group.”

Make a Plan but Leave Room for Compromise and Flexibility

Once you have a budget range, it’s time to begin allocating the costs. As a rough guide, plan to apportion around 30 to 40% of the budget to accommodation, 20 to 25% on transport, 15 to 20% on food and drink, and 10 to 15% on activities. Once you’ve booked the big-ticket items like accommodation and flights, the itinerary planning can begin.

Ask the group for their “must-do” and “would-be-nice” suggestions and be prepared to work in some compromises. For instance, if one person is dying to snag a reservation at a buzzy new restaurant that’s also pricey, the group could offset that cost by eating street food for the next couple of nights.  

Remember, you don’t have to do absolutely everything as a unit. While some might want to visit a high-end spa or go on a shopping spree, others might prefer a low- or no-cost activity, like hiking or chilling on the beach. Insert “choose-your-own-adventure” slots into the itinerary to give everyone agency over their time and money.

The Golden Rule: Set Expectations in Advance of the Trip 

You’re just wrapping up a delicious dinner when the server subtly places the check on the table’s edge. A perceptible tension sets in as some friends ordered steaks while others ordered a salad. A few may have even stuck to tap water over cocktails, so how are you going to split this bill?

“It gets really uncomfortable,” says Evans. “Let’s completely avoid that and decide what you’re doing with the check before you get there.”

Real talk: Having each person pay for what they ordered will be more complicated than splitting it equally between the number of diners, but it might be worth the extra effort to prevent resentment from brewing.

If you do opt for each person to pay only their portion, make sure you split the labor evenly. Suggest that each member of the group takes a turn paying the check and if the others can’t transfer the money immediately then jot down each person’s order on the back of the receipt before leaving the restaurant. This will make the math easier when it’s time to settle up.  

Speaking of settling up—if numbers aren’t your thing, we recommend downloading Splitwise, an app that records and consolidates expenses, then calculates who owes who and how much at the end. Have each person enter what they paid for and select who else was involved, and Splitwise will do the hard work for the group. Hooray for fewer chaotic spreadsheets and more harmonious vacation vibes!