For some of us, Thanksgiving isn’t a national holiday without the TV blaring a football game, parade or dog show from every room of the house. For others, sharing an annual meal with family and friends is a time for peace, quiet and plenty of authentic conversation — no interruptions or outside entertainment necessary.
Given such entrenched views, it’s no wonder that arguments arise around the table and over the remote control.
Etiquette expert Diane Gottsman shared this story: “I was invited to a home for Thanksgiving a few years ago, and the husband of the host kept his earbuds in during the entire meal,” she recalled. “His wife was furious, his mother chastised him, and it was an unpleasant situation for everyone sitting around the table.”
Of course, this conflict goes deeper than just the background noise during a meal. One therapist shed light on what’s really happening when someone throws a fit because they can’t watch TV during dinner.
“Eating together is how we show people we care for one another,” said Leah Samler, a psychologist and adjunct faculty member at Pepperdine University. “I think the larger, long-standing issue is about priorities and what’s important to us. And unfortunately, many people’s priorities are not about connection and quality time.”
Everyone carries memories, baggage and expectations into holiday gatherings. Etiquette expert Jodi R.R. Smith describes it this way: “If you were raised in a no-TV-during-the-Thanksgiving-meal household, it will be very different to dine in a home where the TV is on for the duration, just the same way that if you were raised in a TV-on household, it feels odd with the TV off. Each family has its own culture and acceptable behaviors.”
So everyone wants something different, and no one is willing to back down without some convincing. What’s a well-meaning host to do? We talked to experts to help you sort it all out.
