Key events
Premier League full time scores
Newcastle 3-0 Aston Villa
Chelsea 1-2 Fulham
Southampton 0-1 West Ham
Nottingham Forest 1-0 Tottenham
Bournemouth 0-0 Crystal Palace
Early KO: Manchester City 1-1 Everton
Full time: Southampton 0-1 West Ham
Bowen’s goal wins it. Juric’s managerial debut for Southampton ends in defeat.
Wolves v Manchester United – live!
“To come here, a local rival … we played a bit differently with a back five and it worked,” says Fulham’s Harry Wilson. “We didn’t come here and park the bus, we tried to play.
“I’m trying to shake the super-sub tag.”
Of his goal: “I thought I might have been offside, I was looking across the line. I didn’t realise it hit the post, I thought I found the bottom corner. That was lucky.”
“I always wonder why Rooney doesn’t just give up and do punditry,” writes Sean. “But I guess taking huge losses in the Championship is still preferable to listening to Carragher and Richards performatively guffaw over some lame pun every weekend.”
Also fair.
Saints v West Ham is ongoing. West Ham are winning 1-0.
“I’d like to take some of the credit for Fulham’s remarkable win,” writes Phil. “I have spent a considerable portion of the afternoon telling my mates that we hadn’t won at the Bridge since October 1979 and that was unlikely to change today.”
“I’m not sure how good Man United’s new bosses are at the football part,” writes Zach. “But their media management has been very strong. Days and days of focus on a player who has pretty quietly sunk to the bench being bravely sold has filled the headlines instead of them still being poor on the pitch.”
Fair. What I’m wondering is, how is advertising the fact that cut-price offers will apparently be welcome for Rashford sensible? Not very marginal gains.
Coventry 4-0 Plymouth is a full time score from the Championship. Not looking good for Rooney at Argyle.
Full time: Newcastle 3-0 Aston Villa
Joelinton makes it 3-0 before the final whistle at St James’ Park. Eddie Howe is the new Messiah, again.
Full time: Chelsea 1-2 Fulham
Cole Palmer’s latest classic strike was all for nought. Fulham have won away in the Premier League for the first time in 20 matches.
Full time: Bournemouth 0-0 Crystal Palace
Stalemate.
Full time: Nottingham Forest 1-0 Tottenham
That was quite predictable. Forest are up to third, crisis club Tottenham cling on to 11th.
Fulham break down the right! It’s crossed low and Muniz takes a good touch and applies a smart finish back across the keeper! Fulham have won it at the death, it seems!
GOAL! Chelsea 1-2 Fulham (Muniz 90+5)
Remarkable!
“Good afternoon,” begins David Alderton.
“Regarding the Merseyside weather, I’ve just returned from a promenade at New Brighton (as sang about by local band The Boo Radleys) and it was a proper pea-souper out there. Can barely see the new Toffees ground over the river, and Anfield usually sits proudly atop the crest of the hill over the water.”
“Funny there’s such diverse opinion centred around Antony Gordon lookalikes,” writes Hasan. “Whenever I see him I’ve always got immediate recollections of 1984 era Jonny from the Karate Kid franchise. Anyway, let’s hope Forest are channeling their inner Cobra Kai today. Strike first, strike hard, no mercy Spurs! (Sorry, had to do it…)”
Fulham are well on top of “Chels” right now. Nearly full-time.
But now Chelsea nearly win it! Sancho forces a great save from Leno!
Simon McMahon, our unofficial and most certainly unpaid Scottish Premiership correspondent, writes in:
“Dundee United, having trailed at half time, have turned it around in Perth and currently lead St. Johnstone 2-1 with ten minutes remaining. Celtic are 3-0 up at home to Motherwell, meaning United would leapfrog the Steelmen into fourth should they see it out. Kilmarnock and Ross County both lead 2-0 against Aberdeen and Dundee respectively.”
Al Pacino snuck into the away dugout at St James’ Park today, points out my colleague Paul Bellsham:
Goal! Chelsea 1-1 Fulham (Wilson 82)
GOAL! Fulham are level against their local rivals. Someone crossed it, someone headed it, someone else headed it, it went in the goal. It will be on telly later.
Andy writes in on City conspiracy theories:
“My theory is they know they’re getting a European ban, so why bother this year?
“Ortega never moved on the Ndiaye goal, Harland bottling penalties, the evidence is there, wake up sheeple ;)”
Ha ha, that’s made me chuckle, that has.
On the subject of resemblances,” writes Bill, “I note that Chris Paraskevas makes the common mistake of seeing Lee Bowyer in the clash with Kieron Dyer, when in fact it was post-Beverley Hills Cop Jonathan Banks. Such was Bowyer’s reputation at Toon that the team were never allowed formal buffet events.”
Love it, Bill.
“Is this the gentleman who ruined the buffet at the Harrow club this morning?”
“Now I know you are not John Kettley (he’s a weatherman) but there is talk of fog spoiling the Anfield game,” writes Ian. “Do you have the latest skinny?”
My sources tell me Liverpool v Leicester (8pm KO) is ON.
Sels has made three good saves from Brennan Johnson, the former Forest man, says Michael Dawson on Sky. But he adds that Forest look comfortable.
That means Bournemouth 0-0 Crystal Palace is the sole remaining goalless encounter of the five 3pm kick-offs.
Goal! Southampton 0-1 West Ham (Bowen 59)
The Hammers lead!
That match has been significantly delayed by the first-half injury to Fabianski.
Forget all this Spurs chat. Forest are going third (again) if they close out this win! Sheer 1995-95 vibes.
On MOTD last week, Gary Lineker said Forest’s style under Nuno reminds him of Leicester’s Premier League title-winning side of 2015-16. They couldn’t, could they? No. Surely not.
In the Championship, Wazza’s Plymouth have steadied the ship, but still they trail Lampsy’s Cov by four goals to nil.
Nearly 3-0 for Newcastle. Did Isak have the ball in the net? I think he did but he’s offside.
“I wonder if, for all their reputation for chaos, Tottenham are simply the league’s median team,” writes Kári Tulinius. “They beat sides that are slumping and lose to ones that are on an upward swing.”
I think Jonathan Wilson agrees:
Goal! Newcastle 2-0 Aston Villa (Isak 59)
Newcastle really are back. Weren’t they rubbish just the other week? Ten-man Villa are going down away from home again.
Marcus Rashford is not in the Manchester United squad for their visit to Wolves (5.30 KO).
LATEST SCORES!
Toon 1-0 Villa
Forest 1-0 Spurs
Bournemouth 0-0 Palace
Chelsea 1-0 Fulham
Saints 0-0 West Ham
No goals in His Majesty’s Premier League since half time.
“I noticed Edan Tal can’t help but see a resemblance between Princess Diana and Antony Gordon,” writes Cathleen Gorman. “But in the US, all I can see is Nellie Olsen from Little House on the Prairie.”
I can’t find a pic so you’ll just have to find one yourselves.
“Long-time Plymouth Argyle supporter here,” writes Reg Gorczynski.
“How many more weeks will we have to put up with this insufferable manager? If he still calls himself that.
“He has doomed three clubs already to ignominy … and we are becoming the fourth and biggest laughing stock of all. Merry Christmas!!!”
And you, Reg.
“I reached out last year asking how long before Tottenham fans would get sick of Ange doing a late period Wenger tribute act,” emails Sean. “I’d just like to apologise for insulting Wenger’s legacy. At least his teams played up to their wage bill.”
“On Anthony Gordon and Lady Di,” writes Harvey.
“For me, AG is in the middle of a Micky Van de Venn diagram, between Lady Di and Clare Balding.”
Fascinating!
Adam Hazell writes in:
“Am I the only one convinced Pep’s boys are purposely tanking this season so as to avoid punishment for financial misgivings, only to come back next year with all monetary guns blazing? Seems a more logical idea than the teams suddenly turning bad, no?”
Well I don’t know about that. But thank you anyway.
The second-halves in the top flight have begun, mostly.
“Hi Luke, Merry Christmas and all that,” writes Jeremy Boyce. So far, so good.
“Already some fun fun going on in the Prem, but stern stuff in the Championship, with four of the top five playing each other today. Red Hot Blackburn currently besting Second-half Sunderland, and Scottie’s Burrrrrnleh taking a shock lead at fortress Bramall. Wilder will be seething, Burrrrnleh have a miserly defence. Meanwhile Farke’s boys [Leeds] will be waiting nervously for their 66% possession 2-1 defeat at Stoke [8pm kick-off]. It’s tight as a duck’s what not …”
Saints v West Ham made it to half time at 0-0, by the way.
Big team talk for Big Ange.
“G’Day Luke,” writes Chris Paraskevas.
“Hope you’re well and Merry Xmas. Already been one mention of the Bowyer-Dyer Fight Of The Century on the telecast – personality machine and Newcastle EPL / Newcastle ‘legend’ Michael Bridges is on comms and just had to mention it.
“A little nod to the reinvention of Fabian Schar and Dan Burn into a modern-day Nesta-Cannavaro. I mean there are some genuine moments of class creeping into BDBs game in particular.
“Nesta-Cannavaro is pushing it actually but it’s Xmas, and I even bought the neighbour’s dog a present (after yelling at it the other night and feeling guilty).”
Merry Christmas to you too, Chris.
“I can’t help but see Princess Diana every time I look at Antony Gordon,” writes Edan Tal. “Does anyone else see the resemblance too?”
“Luke,” emails Peter Crosby. (A fair opening gambit.)
“I came into footballing consciousness during the Ardiles era, so a chaotic front-heavy formation low on sophistication but high on entertainment was what appealed to me. As an eight-year-old.
“I have no doubt age and general football-weariness are counting against me now, but key absentees notwithstanding, the scintillating manner of the attacking play is so regularly undermined by defensive foolishness that it’s almost impossible to enjoy it as intended.”
“He just passes it through Diop’s legs,” says Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink, on pundit duty for Amazon Prime Video, of Palmer’s goal. “Then it’s too late for the keeper. This is just well-calculated.”
Due to the injury to Fabianski, Southampton v West Ham is ongoing.
Premier League half-time scores
Newcastle 1-0 Aston Villa
Nottingham Forest 1-0 Tottenham
Bournemouth 0-0 Crystal Palace
Chelsea 1-0 Fulham
Frank Lampard 4-0 Wayne Rooney at half-time.
Coventry 4-0 Plymouth, that is.
Josh Eccles has scored two.
“Eccles is tucking in today like me with the pigs in blankets yesterday,” says the Sky reporter.
Get out.
“Liverpool v Leicester could be called off due to fog!” emails Mike. “Fixture pileup ahoy.”
I wonder when the match could be played? I haven’t the foggiest!
Wowzers. Just seen the Palmer goal for Chelsea. What a talent he is. Passes the ball nonchalantly, softly into the corner from just outside the box after turning smartly and beating a couple of defenders. The finish is also a nutmeg of an unsuspecting Issa Diop. Very, very good indeed.
Fabianski is in a neck brace as he is taken off. Best wishes to him.
At Southampton there is concerning news. Lukasz Fabianski, the West Ham goalie, has been down for several minutes receiving treatment after a clash with Nathan Wood. Let’s hope he is OK.
Red card for Aston Villa! Jhon Durán
Villa are losing 1-0 already at Newcastle and now Durán has been given his marching orders. He appeared to stand on Fabian Schar’s back! Durán is not happy but he has to go.
Forest goal stands! It was Djed Spence that gave the ball away in midfield after which Hudson-Odoi set up Elanga.
Goal! Nottingham Forest 1-0 Tottenham (Elanga 28)
Hudson-Odoi sets up Elanga on the counter and it’s 1-0 to Forest! But is it going to be ruled out by VAR for offside … ?
