‘Survivor 47’ recap: Operation: What Just Happened?

I know, I know… we want to laugh at Teeny for all the inadvertently hilarious things she said with the aid of hindsight on this week’s episode of Survivor 47. And there are so many perfect quotes to choose from.

Here’s Teeny telling Jeff Probst, “I think it was a foolish decision for Sam to pick her, and is actually going to have a horrible outcome for their game.” And there’s Teeny informing others that, “I hope they enjoy the last supper.”

Here’s Teeny back at camp calling the decision to bring Andy and Genevieve to the Survivor Sanctuary (where ridiculously-titled game moves happen) “The dumbest thing Sam could have done.” And there’s Teeny repeating “Sam just quit the game” over and over again.

Here’s Teeny with a Nostradamus-like pre-burn on Sam’s beloved Chicago Bears at the hands of Jayden Daniels, proclaiming that he “should have tried a Hail Mary.” And there’s Teeny doing a mocking sarcasm clap, which is my second favorite type of clap, after an inspirational movie slow clap that starts as a solitary person in a crowd and then spreads like wildfire into a full assault of applause by a large grip of onlookers.

Here’s Teeny asking “Am I just a man-hater at my core?” And there’s Teeny deciding to one-up both Charlie Davis and Ben Katzman by naming every single song title to contain a parenthetical — including, but not limited to, the Rolling Stones’ “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction,” the Kinks’ “(A) Face In The Crowd,” the Beastie Boys’ double parenthetical gem “(You Gotta) Fight For Your Right (To Party),” and, of course, the epic 1980s hair metal power ballad “Don’t Know What You Got (Till It’s Gone)” from Cinderella.

Okay, Teeny didn’t actually do that last one. I was just seeing if you were still paying attention. (And if you did pay attention, your reward is getting an opportunity to view the majesty that is Cinderella doing a local Philly cable TV advertisement for Pat’s Chill Dogs. You’re welcome.) But before we go too far down Teeny’s hilariously paved road thanks to the words she would later have to eat in their own special Tribal Council reward feast, can we all agree on one simple thing? That was a pretty awesome Sam impersonation.

I mean, let’s give credit where credit is due. I don’t think Sam is necessarily that over the top with his movements and motions as Teeny was making him out to be, but I assume that was just exaggerated for side-splitting comedic effect. However, the words, the accent, the rubbing of neck and back of head while talking — all on point. It was almost suspicious how good Teeny was at that. Like, has Teeny been practicing this impersonation in their spare time? Because it appeared pretty fleshed-out and fully-formed. Are there hours and hours of Teeny confessional interviews where she is just workshopping their impression of Sam until it was finally ready to debut to the rest of the tribe? RELEASE THE TEENY TAPES, YOU COWARDS!

But thank you, Teeny. Not just for that impersonation. And not just for dishing out some serious Survivor 46 vibes with your personal grievances. But thank you for not half-stepping with your assuredness of Sam’s seemingly imminent demise. If players are too worried about looking dumb, then they deliver safe, half-measure quotes that are super boring. Instead, Teeny came right out and told us exactly how she felt and how she expected things to go down. She was wrong, of course, and her wrongness — when coupled with an elaborate (and elaborately titled) vote-flip operation — made for fabulous television.

Going with the mob hit motif of the episode, the only thing that makes a mob hit more enjoyable than watching some poor unsuspecting sap get one in the back of a head while standing over a suspiciously placed roll of plastic covering is when that poor unsuspecting sap has also been bragging incessantly about all the power they have. So thank you to Teeny for being bold enough and brave enough to risk looking the fool with all their pronouncements. It’s the little things like this that continue to make Survivor so compelling. Now it’s time to continue with the rest of what I like to call… Operation: Recap.

Dirty Sue

FINALLY! The biggest mystery of Survivor 47 has been solved! No, not “How does Andy get his hair to be so luminous on day 22 of the game?” Although that too is a mystery. Seriously, get that guy on a Prell Shampoo ad pronto! (Wait, does Prell shampoo still exist? Clearly, I need to start washing my hair more.) No, the mystery to which I refer is Sue’s face. It’s always dirty! Why is it so dirty?!

We’ve all seen it on the show and not really understood why. Even Caroline this week was noting how her 45-year-old island bestie was getting dirtier and dirtier every day. And now we know why! Apparently, Sue has been putting all of her time not already occupied by bad-mouthing Kyle into digging under rocks and cliffs looking for idols. And when I say digging, I mean really getting in there, like Sol into a reward feast potato salad. The best part of all of this was Sue then telling Caroline that she had some dirt on her face she needed to wipe off. Just too perfect.

But — SEEMLESS TRANSITION ALERT! — things were getting dirty down on the beach as well, as Genevieve and Teeny had a little strategy sesh that quickly went off the rails. Literally seconds after Genevieve told us how she was a house cat with no claws or teeth, she then went and told Teeny how Rachel needed to go because she had played the best game.

“So, you would vote for Rachel [to win] over me, is what you’re saying?” responded Teeny.

“I’m not a slam dunk for you if Rachel is there, is what I’m saying,” clarified Genevieve, her claws miraculously regenerating in real time.

“That sounds like a threat,” Teeny opined.

“I say it’s not a slam dunk for you and you come back and tell me that’s a threat?” Genevieve answered. “That’s a f—ed up thing to say.”

YES, MORE SURVIVOR 46 VIBES! BRING THE HEAT! BRING THE TENSION! BRING SOME LUNATIC FORCING EVERYONE TO PLAY HIDE AND SEEK AND THEN USING THAT TO JUDGE THE STRENGTH OF THEIR SURVIVOR GAMES! BRING IT ALL! The scene ended with Genevieve telling Teeny she was using emotion as a weapon, but considering Genevieve’s clearly-stated aversion to emotion in the first place, I don’t quite know how to sort that out. What I do know is that Teeny went back to Rachel and announced “We will take them out,” to which Rachel, channeling every ounce of Darth Sidious that she could muster, coldly replied. “All of them.”

Surround sound

I admit it: I get fixated on certain things. Dumb things. Things like correlating footwear decisions to water-challenge performances to ascertain whether free-feeters or covered-up contestants do better. (I am just realizing now that was a terrible example to lead with because it makes me sound like some weird foot fetish perv, but I do stand by the fact that it is an interesting thing to track, even if I am the only one interested in it.)

But another thing I have focused a lot on when watching challenges is… music. Specifically, the music they play near the end of a challenge. Because I am a super-annoying nitpicker by nature, I have often complained that if you pay too close attention to the music, it will tip who is about to win a challenge by pauses and builds in the music they play right before the winning moment. Again, I realize this is super geeky, but it’s true.

Which is why this week’s reward challenge was such a delight. I mean, there were a few things I liked about it. I liked hearing Probst sound like he wanted to have sex with a “crisp fresh Caesar salad.” I liked watching Caroline struggle to hop over the very first bar. I liked watching Sam rip through the net while holding his balls… which sounds much worse than it actually was. (But seriously, his decision to hold then rather than push them forward through the net probably determined the outcome.) And I liked that the producers totally faked me out with the musical cue to make me think that Sam won the challenge. I mean… he did win the challenge, but not when I thought he would win. They used a musical cue to make it seem like it was going to happen on one shot, and it didn’t. Cagey bastards!

Operation: Italy

Okay, let’s get into it. First of all, Operation: Italy sounds like some heavily-promoted and little-watched show on the Travel Channel where a celebrity like… I don’t know… Stanley Tucci travels overseas to uncover the best hidden gem off-the-beaten-path Italian restaurants while chatting amicably with locals. But no! Instead, it was a plan concocted during the challenge reward feast that winner Sam went on with his hand-picked selections of Andy and Genevieve, which caused no drama whatsoever!

To Sam and Genevieve’s delight — at least as much delight as emotional cyborg Genevieve will allow herself — Andy told them he was flipping over to their side. He also told them about the underdog alliance and Rachel’s Block-a-Vote and said they needed to build suspicion that Sam or Genevieve had an idol to get the others to split their vote, and then the three of them could take out Rachel. 

The plan was smart, no doubt. But the smartest thing about it was giving it the goofy name of Operation: Italy. Look, it’s all about branding. Big Brother has always understood this: Dan’s Funeral! Keesha’s Birthday! Taco Tuesday! You immediately know what all of those things are. At least you know what they are if you are like me and have no shame and watch three episodes a week of idiots trapped inside a studio lot made to look like a house. Survivor has lacked such branding simplicity. There’s not even a shorthand for the franchise’s most famous moment of Erik giving away his immunity. So kudos to Andy, Sam, and Genevieve for putting on their P.T. Barnum top hat and considering the clear marketing possibilities of their move. (Have the t-shirts and pillows been printed yet, guys?)

This entire escapade, however, does enhance the theory held by some that you should never, ever split votes. That may be a little extreme in situations where it is clear you have a massive post-merge majority of, say, 9-2 and can afford a few defections, but if you are ever in a situation where you only have a one-person cushion on a vote-split, I would definitely never split. The chances of one person wanting to make a big splash and flipping are just too great. Remember, these contestants all are desperate to make their mark with big moves, and know an aggressive game is what producers want and expect out of them.

Also — and this is something that does not get talked about nearly enough — Survivor is boring! Not watching it, but playing it. Less boring for the players now in the condensed 26-day schedule, but there still is a lot of down time on the beach. People just naturally want to shake things up. It actually takes a lot of self-restraint to not chase the shiny object of an exciting vote. If you, as a player, recognize that craving, you should assume others are feeling it as well, and that means at least one person is likely to act on it — especially a big fan who has expressed time and time again a desire to make a huge impact on the game.

After seeing how many times Andy had ping-ponged back and forth from side to side, I can’t see how I would have ever been comfortable enough to believe his vote was solid. Of course, that is super easy to say from the comfort of my Milwaukee’s Best-stained living room couch. Regardless, from the other side of the equation, Andy got the edit credit for the plan, but there is a big issue with that for him, which we’ll get into a little bit later, because it is immunity challenge time.

Phony (idol) baloney

I just made it sound like I had a lot to say about the immunity challenge, but the truth is, I don’t. I liked it, though. You know I liked it! It had the players out and moving. There was a super weird stage in which contestants used some sort of American Gladiators type instrument to bash fake human skulls through a metal maze. There was a misery montage of balls dropping… which again, is an unfortunate phrasing. Really good stuff all-around! And even better because Rachel won, meaning Operation: Italy needed a new target, so let’s get back to that.

Sam and Genevieve kicked their acting into high gear — he by acting desperate, she by making a fake idol and then showing it to Teeny for only a second. If you want to fault Teeny for anything, it’s for not insisting on seeing the idol note. Genevieve even said she would go unbury the note and show them, but Teeny was simply too happy to believe the idol was real and everyone could all load up on their preferred target of Sam. If Teeny did not insist on seeing the note, as the edit indicated, that is a fatal mistake.

Of course, there were others. Rachel could have used her Block-a-Vote. And Sue could have played her idol for Caroline, as she indicated she might do. But I’ve always been hesitant to blame people too much for not using idols and advantages. It’s too simplistic to say if you have something, you should use it. There is also value in holding on to those items, and somebody is not dumb simply because they risked it incorrectly.  As already stated, the decision to split the vote in the first place was the flawed game move. Way too risky, especially with an already established wild card like Andy in the mix. Which brings us to Tribal Council.

How to curry with the jury

Anyone else surprised by how serious Kyle looked over on the jury? Dude was hugging everyone and giving a buck twenty just two nights prior, and now he looked like a guy with a special set of skills that was about to unleash them if someone said something sideways. I also can’t help but wonder why he didn’t join in the sarong party that Sierra, Sol, and Gabe were clearly rocking. But I don’t bring the jury up simply to bathe in the deep waters of Angry Kyle. I bring it up for another reason.

Andy got the bulk of the edit credit for the Operation: Italy plan. And we know from his confessionals that Andy fancies himself as quite the puppeteer. Perhaps he is! But that doesn’t really matter. What matters is how the other players see him, and I have yet to hear a contestant mention in either a confessional or to another tribe mate that Andy is someone to be feared or respected from a strategic perspective. I bring this up because after the cat was let out of the proverbial bag and Caroline was voted out, Sol made what could be a very telling comment over on the jury. He said, “That was Andy. Andy flipped again.”

The first part of that quote is probably exactly what Andy would want to hear: that he was getting credit for the move. But the second part of “Andy flipped again” could be troubling. The word “flipped” is more often than not used on the island as a term of disdain, not respect. And the person who is usually credited in such a scenario is not the person who flipped — who is often seen as easily manipulated — but rather the person who convinced that flipper to flip (which, in this case, would be Sam and Genevieve). It doesn’t matter who was the brains behind the operation; it only matters who the jury thinks was behind the plan, and I’m not convinced they see Andy as that person.

I don’t know this, of course. It’s just been my hunch ever since the merge in terms of the large discrepancy in how other players talk about Andy versus how he talks about himself. But let’s talk about someone else: Caroline. Perhaps the cheeriest loser in Survivor history. We saw it when she lost her vote in the reverse-Jenga game — practically beaming as the stack crumbled to the grown — and she went out with a smile here as well.

I found Caroline to be a fascinating player. Clearly mathematical in her approach, but she also forged bonds with folks like Sue, Gabe (when she needed him), and Rachel. And I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I did enjoy her confessional interviews as well. She was not your typical A+ narrator — busting out one-liners, obscure analogies, and personal grudges while describing the action — but she did have a very unique viewpoint on the game, which made her a refreshing voice to hear from.

But no longer! For her voice has been extinguished just as clearly as her torch. And now we are on to what we are being told is a two-part finale. I don’t really know what that means. I know the actual last episode is now two hours instead of three, and I know next week’s installment is now two hours instead of 90 minutes. But I also know we now have 14 episodes total instead of 13. So I guess that is a net positive of an hour. What I don’t know is how many people are getting eliminated next week. Do we go down from six players to five, or to four? Does it go Survivor: Panama style and end on a cliffhanger at the final five Tribal Council, leaving us in suspense to see who goes home at the top of the final episode? These are the things that keep me up at night. These things and my cat, who started inexplicably snoring after having some teeth pulled. SHE’S JUST LIKE GENEVIEVE!!!

But until we get those answers, we have a few goodies for you. Did you miss my exit interview with Kyle since it posted four days late due to the holiday? Well, go check that out as he talks about watching Sue bash him on national television. We also will have our new exit interview with Caroline, as well as an exclusive deleted scene, and the latest from Hostmaster General Jeff Probst. Do you think the other players and jury see Andy as the manipulator or manipulated? Hit the comments to let us know, or ask me a question there and I’ll do my best to answer in a timely fashion while I start cooking up next week’s scoop of the crispy.