In the days following Donald Trump’s re-election as president of the United States, discussions centering a few topics began to spike online: fleeing the country, vowing to fight harder for abortion rights, and the 4B Movement. The latter, a radical feminist movement that originated in South Korea whereby women pledge not to date, sleep with, marry or have children with men, took on a life of its own.
4B is shorthand for “four nos” in Korean, and centers around rejecting patriarchal standards and a heterosexual lifestyle. The movement began in the mid- to late-2010s in South Korea in response to the rampant misogyny and violent patriarchy in the country. Abroad — and particularly in the United States — the movement has sparked interest in the four nos as more of a lifestyle choice than a radical feminist movement.
This isn’t the first time in recent years that there have been rallying cries across the internet to decenter men and abstain from entering into romantic relationships with them in the US. After Roe v. Wade was overturned, “Celibacy TikTok” and being “boysober” began to trend, turning the outrage at the outcome into a legitimate movement and lifestyle choice for women everywhere.
As Trump’s second term begins, three women — all various ages and from different states — speak to Refinery29 about their thoughts on the 4B Movement.
Interviews have been edited for clarity.
Name: Aleisa
Age: 30
Location: Miami, Florida
Pronouns: She/her
When were you first introduced to the 4B Movement?
I read the book and I thought it was fascinating. The book, titled Kim Jiyoung, Born 1982, by Cho Nam-Joo and translated by Jamie Chang, is a fictional story of a Korean woman. What makes it so striking is it has real-world data about what South Korean women go through as the footnotes, but the story is fictional so it was a very interesting way to present that information.
[I am] very much affected by our gender identities and how people see [me], especially being raised in a Cuban household. Seeing something like the 4B Movement, where it’s women taking back their agency, is so refreshing.
You posted a popular TikTok video in March 2024 about the movement and then reposted it after the election. Has anything about your feelings or actions changed between those times and now?
It’s more me taking personal autonomy more seriously. There’s definitely limitations to bringing the 4B Movement to the United States. It’s not a direct translation because the cultural differences are very stark and there are other things we can do, but that idea of taking back our power is very, very enticing, especially when our rights are actively being taken away day by day. It’s nice to see women and femmes and other gender nonconforming people have our own little version of it going on now over here. We’ve tried reasoning, we’ve tried being nice, we’ve tried explaining to people but it hasn’t been working, so this feels like the logical next step to me.
How do you decenter men in your life?
Everyone has their own journey with it and there are so many different life situations, different cultures and different ways to approach the decentering men conversation. For me personally, coming from a Cuban culture where it’s very patriarchal, a lot of my upbringing was catering to men. Me existing as a woman was specifically to find a husband, have a bunch of kids and be a housewife. I’ve been focusing on myself a lot more, asking myself what I want in my life, and being more unapologetically myself and enforcing boundaries and doing things that make me happy and not what makes other people happy.
How do you feel after implementing this?
In putting a lot of these cultural ideals under a microscope, like romantic love, having children, all of that, and really learning about the origins, you start to realize how silly a lot of it is. I’m also a woman who does not want to have children and even [deciding] that, so much pressure of romantic dating has been lifted from my shoulders because I don’t have to worry about my biological clock dictating who I should date or when.
In your opinion, when you see it being talked about or covered, what’s missing from the conversation?
There’s a huge issue with transphobia in the 4B Movement, which is something that was told to me when my video went viral the first time. The cultural differences are very, very stark when you’re comparing the US and South Korea. The misogyny and sexism in South Korea is much more extreme, much more dangerous. There’s a lot more that I don’t know too much about because I don’t have any lived experience as a Korean woman or as someone in South Korea.
Name: Rachel
Age: 32
Location: Richmond, VA
Pronouns: She/her
You say you’ve been doing this intentionally, and thoughtfully participating in decentering men for five years now. Can you describe why and what it’s been like for you?
Until recently, I didn’t know the term “4B Movement.” When I did hear about it, I found myself realizing all of these things describe how I’ve been living my life, how I’ve been choosing to not date and not pursue being in any sort of relationship with a man and I don’t really care about getting married or having kids. Celibate would describe me as well, which is not something I’d ever really used as a definition.
I have really great friends. I have a really great community. I have a great church community, I have lots of kids in my life that call me Aunt Rachel. I realized that I can be filled up in a lot of ways without having a romantic or sexual partner and I don’t miss that at all. I get a lot of feedback from people, especially older people, who will say I haven’t met the right person yet and my response is always, “I don’t need to.” I am the right person for myself.
There are other kinds of trends that have popped up on social media over the years, especially after the fall of Roe v. Wade, like celibacy TikTok and “boysober.” Do you think this time, something will stick?
It could, and I could also see it fading. Overall in society, with the Me Too movement and with the way the last couple of elections have played out, I feel we’re really realizing the patriarchy is a thing and it benefits certain people. We’re in the midst of what I hope will continue to be a reckoning. It’s hard to look at one facet of this conversation because there’s a lot of intersectionality around it. It coincides with the Black Lives Matter movement and things we’ve seen with police violence, when we look to the margins of society and realize there are people suffering at the hands of systems of oppression.
Could you describe some intentional choices you make that allow you to decenter men?
I have a BookTok and Bookstagram. Since around 2018, 2019-ish and seeing how the last Trump presidency played out, I’ve really made more of an intentional effort. For me, that was the first step in, especially as a person who’s grown up in a Christian church and in a more conservative, evangelical world. I started to realize, especially when it came to faith, that everybody I had ever heard from or learned from or who preached to me was a white cisgender American heterosexual man. I really focus on reading books by Black and Indigenous and people of color, and I focus on reading books by people in the queer community, disabled authors, single authors, fat authors, non-American authors, really trying to hear from as wide a range of voices as I can.
There are obviously still going to be men in my life. I still work with men and I would not want my life to be completely void of men, but I realized that for a really long time, the balance was out of whack.
In your opinion, when you see it being talked about or covered, what’s missing from the conversation?
There are a lot of ways you can work towards being more inclusive and decentering the male patriarchal voice or structure that don’t necessarily mean you have to be totally 4B. It’s probably more valuable if more people can find entry points into a more equitable structure than thinking, I have to be 4B or bust.
Name: Abby
Age: 26
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Pronouns: She/her
What are your thoughts on the 4B Movement?
Admittedly, I’m not the biggest expert on the 4B Movement, especially with its context, starting in South Korea and how it’s happening here in America. It’s actually kind of sad and shows a bit of a lack of imagination on the part of American women, the fact we really only think women can be liberated from oppression by creating complete segregation between men and women. Obviously the 4B Movement specifically applies to dating and marriage and having sex with and having children with men, but it’s not quite a fully formed theory.
Is 4B something you’re currently putting into practice?
A lot of women have been accidentally doing the 4B Movement for a while. There are so many studies that show people in general are not dating as much. Ever since the pandemic, young people do not date at the same levels, especially with things like Roe v. Wade and with Trump being re-elected. It has triggered a lot of fear in women, understandably so. I am also terrified of what influence this is going to have on male and female relations in general.
Would you be able to describe what that looks like for you?
I haven’t dated in several years now. I have made attempts to. I’ve been on the apps and of course everyone loves to complain. Even if you live in Chicago or New York or LA, you’d think there’s no better place in the world to find someone who’s like you, someone you can be partners with, but a lot of people are finding that incredibly difficult.
This particular discussion became popular after Trump’s win. Do you think this time something will stick?
In terms of a 4B Movement that significantly impacts the birth rate in this country, in the same way it has been impacted in a small country like Korea or Japan, I don’t foresee it being a considerable thing. There are so many women, especially in America, who want to date men and they want to get married to men.
What do you personally believe are the cons of this movement or discussion right now as it relates to the US?
There are so many people online who use such strong language like a male genocide. There’s a woman talking about how she’d be willing to let every man on Earth die if it meant protecting women and girls from violence and abuse. The obvious question is, if you’re being serious about this notion of creating a female-only society, what do you think about trans women and what do you think about gender nonconforming people and non-binary people? It’s kind of ironic because it falls into this binary bio essentialist thinking that women are born women and men are born men. A lot of young feminists have not educated themselves on queer theory or queer liberation enough to understand that the turnover of the gender binary is actually necessary for the turning over of misogyny, of patriarchy.
Is there a solution to this at all?
I’m not going to pretend I have a clear-cut, step-by-step plan but I do know that patriarchy will exist as long as capitalism exists. It’s the same way all of the other forms of oppression, like racism, misogyny and homophobia, will always exist as long as capitalism exists, so overthrowing capitalism is essential. If we still mire ourselves in these really binary ways of perceiving gender, if we continue to think of it as man vs woman, we’re missing out on the fact it’s a societal problem. Men were not born to be misogynistic and hateful. It’s not their biological destiny. Creating male vs female separate spaces is not going to actually help women and it’s not actually going to get to the root of misogyny under the patriarchy. A lot of women really resent this idea that it’s our responsibility to baby men and educate them and handhold them through not hating women. [It’s] obviously not, but it is society’s collective responsibility to change.
In your opinion, what’s missing from the conversation?
The biggest thing missing from conversations about the 4B Movement and trying to apply it to America is the fact that these movements have been successful in very small countries. Korean women were able to bring the birth rate down [ed. note: South Korea’s birth rate has been falling for decades]. It’s a very broadly American problem, the fact people talk about starting this and boycotting that and it never really comes to fruition because Americans have a very short-term memory when it comes to political movements.
We’re neglecting the fact that a lot of heterosexual women want to find love. A lot of heterosexual women who are not attracted to any other gender other than men, they really want to get married and have children. As bad as things get with abortion rights being taken away, yes we’re seeing an influx of women seeking IUDs and sterilization, it’s definitely having an impact, but in terms of a broad boycott of sleeping with men and dating men, I don’t know if people think that’s something that can realistically happen.
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